Hello dear friend. Thank you for joining me again for this final, though not conclusive, stage of our journey into kindness.
Over the last three weeks, we’ve ventured together into considerations of our kindness… toward others, toward ourselves, and in those difficult times when kindness might feel inaccessible. Even repulsive.
It happens.
Please have a look at the previous posts to get caught up!
Week Two: Sharing What We Long to Receive
Week Three: Practicing with Light
My intention with this series was to normalize the idea that kindness needs our diligent attention. Sure, it’s innate. But, like all virtues, it’s a habit of the heart and mind. The two need to work together… intentionally, diligently. We’re blessed with natural capacity for kindness; we are not always in peak condition to exercise it. We have to build our stamina to put it to use.
So, we practice being kind. Practice takes discipline and an acceptance that we won’t always get it right. It’s that part— the not always getting it right— that strengthens us the most. But only if we return.
Our persistent return to kindness, I think, leads to discoveries of those unique spaces looking for our attention. Life has a wonderful way of offering up new trials just when we figured out how to handle the last one. We’re all a bit like gardens in need of tough and tender hands. The roses may be in full bloom but over in the shade, all the fuchsia are in despair. And there in the middle— a nation of weeds has established itself, as persistent as we are. Our practice is like this. What suffers teaches us how to care; what persists shows us our habits. We decide what we’re willing to change and we get to work.
This week, we contemplate the work of neutrality. We’ll contemplate acceptance and the ways we learn to return— to the moment, ourselves, others who disappoint us, and ideas we dislike— with some even-mindedness.
It may seem like a backtrack to suggest neutrality after last week’s dance with divine light. Then again, maybe the journey is made more complete by seeing how the divine rests with us in the quiet middle. If we’re honest with ourselves, we might even realize how infrequently we move to that space.
That’s why, today, we’ll spend our time on the quiet, middle ground. Our meditation focuses on acceptance, and how to offer it. I like to use the words, ‘it’s okay.’ When I manage to offer my okay, I usually see the garden of my life turn into something much more zen than I’d appreciated. It may not be all flashy fuchsia, but it’s serene and leaves me wondering about the intersection of cultivated and wild perfection.
In that space, kindness simply is. Because acceptance is kindness, too. The folks around us who bother us, annoy us, arouse us, disrupt us… those folks are beautifully divine and also so much more approachable when we simply say, ‘it’s okay.’ Whoever they are, it’s okay.
We might think they’re the devil (and we’re probably wrong) but even if they are… it’s okay. We might hate the way they act (and we’re probably projecting) but even so… it’s okay. Are you seeing the pattern?
Sometimes (often!), I hear that acceptance is unattractive because it condones some behavior judged to be abhorrent. Well, okay. Also, acceptance isn’t nihilism. There are infinite possibilities to accept terrible behavior and, in fact, become better informed as to our next, best, kindest step.
Okay?
Whatever it is we think we dislike is a doorway to okay. There’s a reason for that dislike, and it’s our invitation to consider more deeply whatever is holding us back from acceptance… and the kindness it carries. Whatever it is, it’s ours.
We’ll end our kindness contemplation with these questions:
How do you find the quiet, middle ground of acceptance?
How do you find the quiet, middle ground in the midst of a difficult situation?
How does kindness arise for you when you rest in the quiet, middle ground of acceptance?
Who do you become when you say ‘it’s okay’ to the views and ideas of someone you dislike?
I’ve loved hearing from those of you who took the time to share your experiences in kindness. Thank you. Please feel free to send your thoughts anytime… sing out in the comments, send a note, or just share a whisper on the wind. Those always find their mark!
As we finish up, I invite you to let me know how I can improve. This was my first time using the video feature on substack and my sense is that the meditations could be shorter! I’ll do better next time around. Please let me know if you have other suggestions, criticisms, ideas for another series. My heart is open and ready to receive.
If this has been helpful to you, please consider sharing with friends. If you’re feeling spendy, get them a gift subscription! Or, if you’re just wanting to be kind, I always appreciate when folks buy me a book! I love to read.
Thank you for being you.
Share this post